*LIVESTRONG*LOVESTRONEGER*LAUGH HARDER*THE WINDOWS OF MY SOUL I THROW WIDE OPEN TO THE SUN*
John Greenleaf Whitter
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Sunset....
....from my front yard this evening...
....it was inspirational...and enjoyable...
...and a great way to end a very hectic day.
Friday, July 25, 2014
The Nightmare of Yesterday
The best laid plans that went wrong....and yesterday's top my list of days I never want to repeat. The Captain was to come home Friday morning. The Botanist and I were going to clean, visit The Captain and then head to the Adventure Run at the Running Store. I haven't run or worked out in 23 days...
5:15 am I woke up, walked the dog, pulled the sheets off my bed and started laundry. Paid some bills and cleaned the kitchen. Ate a quesadilla with chicken, jalapeno cheese and green chile verde sauce (don't judge,) all we have in the house is dinner food.
7:45 I started to order groceries online....password didn't work so I spent some time with online help. I just aabout finish the order when...
8:10 Land line rings...(who uses that?) The Botanist answers and in a panic I hear her say, "You've got to talk to my mom." It was a Dr. from the rehab facility....and he said.....
"We think Russ is having a 'small' heart attack. You don't need to rush down here. We are going to transfer him to our hospital in Mountain View."
NO WAY! He has his own Dr's here at Sequoia who know his history. He will NOT be transported anywhere but Sequoia!
8:25 The Botanist and I are in the car going 70 MPH in the 65 all the way there.
9:05 We rush into his room to find him sleeping in bed with no monitors and looking very peaceful. He awakens and says "Hello!" We are so panicked and shaken that we can barely talk. He has no clue that he is supposed to be having a heart attack!!!!
9:10 Someone comes in to do an EKG. I can see he is in A Fib again but that is about all I can read. Then a Dr comes in and I ask about his medications.....seems someone felt it necessary to "hold" two important meds because his blood pressure was "too low." When he was admitted I specifically said that I was to be notified of any changes to his meds. That way I could work with his cardiologist. The Captain's case is very unique....no one survives this and the Dr's have been very specific to tell us why he is not receiving meds that they would normally give in this situation. I had the nurse give me print outs of the medications and note which ones were held. I was also upset the day before because The Captain is on a caffeine free diet and twice I came in to find a can of Pepsi or coffee on his tray....wtf kind of place is this? Definitely not a cardiac rehab.
10:55 Ambulance transport to Sequoia Hospital. My 3rd ambulance ride- none of which have been for me....one for The Biologist, one for a student at school who broke her arm and this time for The Captain.
11:05 Admitted to the ER...thank you very much that will be another $150 copay please.
11:20 EKG, blood tests, visits with nurses who were on duty July 2 for the original admit. All were so sweet and had admitted they followed up to find out how well he was doing while at the hospital...all told him how lucky he was and how frightened they were when he was in ER.
12:00 Cardiologists confirm there was no "small" heart attack...his A Fib was back unfortunately.
1:40 Upstairs to have a cardio-version and the shock to the heart to attempt to get it back into rhythm.
3:00 The team finally assembles...The captain is prepped, throat numbed and propophyl given and the camera is sent down to see if there are any clots in the heart...then the zaps are administered. The anxiety I felt during the two of these procedures take its toll on me...I have only felt this fear when The Biologist was dx with cancer in 2002.
3:20 The Botanist and I can hear the zap machine 3x...we know that isn't good because they can only try 3x...The Captains heart just wouldn't reset. But tests reveal that his heart can handle the A Fib for right now. We are allowed back in the room where we visited with the Dr and nurses until The Captain was discharged.
5:10 We are discharged! Sprung!!
5:25 We are in the car at the height of rush hour on our way to pick up all the prescriptions.
6:20 We arrive at home!! I am sooooo hungry I could eat clams...and I hate clams...but I hadn't eaten since 5:30 a.m. I dropped everyone off and headed to El Chorrito for burritos. While I was waiting for my order I heard my name being called...I was so happy to see and get hugs from a student who I taught in Kinder, first and through December of 2nd grade...a sweet little girl and her mom were eating there. What a nice way to end my evening!
7:00 Dinner alas!!
7:30 Meds and a little TV and The Captain was crashed in his chair. I had to go in and put the clean sheets on the bed. I had a little more energy from dinner...but what an exhausting, unexpected day.
10:30 I was out for the count.
5:15 am I woke up, walked the dog, pulled the sheets off my bed and started laundry. Paid some bills and cleaned the kitchen. Ate a quesadilla with chicken, jalapeno cheese and green chile verde sauce (don't judge,) all we have in the house is dinner food.
7:45 I started to order groceries online....password didn't work so I spent some time with online help. I just aabout finish the order when...
8:10 Land line rings...(who uses that?) The Botanist answers and in a panic I hear her say, "You've got to talk to my mom." It was a Dr. from the rehab facility....and he said.....
"We think Russ is having a 'small' heart attack. You don't need to rush down here. We are going to transfer him to our hospital in Mountain View."
NO WAY! He has his own Dr's here at Sequoia who know his history. He will NOT be transported anywhere but Sequoia!
8:25 The Botanist and I are in the car going 70 MPH in the 65 all the way there.
9:05 We rush into his room to find him sleeping in bed with no monitors and looking very peaceful. He awakens and says "Hello!" We are so panicked and shaken that we can barely talk. He has no clue that he is supposed to be having a heart attack!!!!
9:10 Someone comes in to do an EKG. I can see he is in A Fib again but that is about all I can read. Then a Dr comes in and I ask about his medications.....seems someone felt it necessary to "hold" two important meds because his blood pressure was "too low." When he was admitted I specifically said that I was to be notified of any changes to his meds. That way I could work with his cardiologist. The Captain's case is very unique....no one survives this and the Dr's have been very specific to tell us why he is not receiving meds that they would normally give in this situation. I had the nurse give me print outs of the medications and note which ones were held. I was also upset the day before because The Captain is on a caffeine free diet and twice I came in to find a can of Pepsi or coffee on his tray....wtf kind of place is this? Definitely not a cardiac rehab.
10:55 Ambulance transport to Sequoia Hospital. My 3rd ambulance ride- none of which have been for me....one for The Biologist, one for a student at school who broke her arm and this time for The Captain.
11:05 Admitted to the ER...thank you very much that will be another $150 copay please.
11:20 EKG, blood tests, visits with nurses who were on duty July 2 for the original admit. All were so sweet and had admitted they followed up to find out how well he was doing while at the hospital...all told him how lucky he was and how frightened they were when he was in ER.
12:00 Cardiologists confirm there was no "small" heart attack...his A Fib was back unfortunately.
1:40 Upstairs to have a cardio-version and the shock to the heart to attempt to get it back into rhythm.
3:00 The team finally assembles...The captain is prepped, throat numbed and propophyl given and the camera is sent down to see if there are any clots in the heart...then the zaps are administered. The anxiety I felt during the two of these procedures take its toll on me...I have only felt this fear when The Biologist was dx with cancer in 2002.
3:20 The Botanist and I can hear the zap machine 3x...we know that isn't good because they can only try 3x...The Captains heart just wouldn't reset. But tests reveal that his heart can handle the A Fib for right now. We are allowed back in the room where we visited with the Dr and nurses until The Captain was discharged.
5:10 We are discharged! Sprung!!
5:25 We are in the car at the height of rush hour on our way to pick up all the prescriptions.
6:20 We arrive at home!! I am sooooo hungry I could eat clams...and I hate clams...but I hadn't eaten since 5:30 a.m. I dropped everyone off and headed to El Chorrito for burritos. While I was waiting for my order I heard my name being called...I was so happy to see and get hugs from a student who I taught in Kinder, first and through December of 2nd grade...a sweet little girl and her mom were eating there. What a nice way to end my evening!
7:00 Dinner alas!!
7:30 Meds and a little TV and The Captain was crashed in his chair. I had to go in and put the clean sheets on the bed. I had a little more energy from dinner...but what an exhausting, unexpected day.
10:30 I was out for the count.
*LIVESTRONG*LOVESTRONGER*LAUGH HARDER*NOT MAKING ANY PLANS HERE*
Thursday, July 24, 2014
Sunday, July 20, 2014
Lucky Part III
Day 18- Yesterday we busted loose!
We got the paper work around 3:00 and headed for Los Gatos to the rehab facility. We checked in and stayed for dinner....a nice single room with a window. After getting settled for the night, my kids and I drove home to pack up BIG Foot. We got to bed around 12:30.
The alarm went off at 4:25...BIG Foot's flight was at 6 a.m. He had been home for more than 2 weeks and although I hated to see him go, he had to get back to work. Now it is just The Botanist and I at home. For some reason we can't seem to get to sleep before midnight and we wake up way too early. I came back from the airport and slept for an hour and then got stuff together to head to rehab.
How did we finally break loose? The Captain's heart was in A Fib since surgery...the medications did not work...and it didn't sync on its own...A Fib can cause a stroke...but the heart can being shocked back into a regular heartbeat...which can also cause a stroke. On Wednesday it was decided that 2 weeks post surgery was enough.... a camera was driven down The Captain's throat, and it was determined that there were no blood clots in the heart. Then his heart was ZAPPED! It only took one zapping and his heart rate was back to normal...Bye Bye A Fib! Talk about nerve wracking!!
I don't believe life will ever really be back to normal but WOW what a second chance we have been given.
We got the paper work around 3:00 and headed for Los Gatos to the rehab facility. We checked in and stayed for dinner....a nice single room with a window. After getting settled for the night, my kids and I drove home to pack up BIG Foot. We got to bed around 12:30.
The alarm went off at 4:25...BIG Foot's flight was at 6 a.m. He had been home for more than 2 weeks and although I hated to see him go, he had to get back to work. Now it is just The Botanist and I at home. For some reason we can't seem to get to sleep before midnight and we wake up way too early. I came back from the airport and slept for an hour and then got stuff together to head to rehab.
How did we finally break loose? The Captain's heart was in A Fib since surgery...the medications did not work...and it didn't sync on its own...A Fib can cause a stroke...but the heart can being shocked back into a regular heartbeat...which can also cause a stroke. On Wednesday it was decided that 2 weeks post surgery was enough.... a camera was driven down The Captain's throat, and it was determined that there were no blood clots in the heart. Then his heart was ZAPPED! It only took one zapping and his heart rate was back to normal...Bye Bye A Fib! Talk about nerve wracking!!
I don't believe life will ever really be back to normal but WOW what a second chance we have been given.
*LIVESTRONG*LOVESTRONGER*LAUGH HARDER*LOVE YOUR HEART*
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
Lucky Part II
Day 14. Yesterday The Captain was moved from ICU to the Cardiac Surveillance Unit. It was confusing for him and he was agitated with the roommate noise (and smell,) and traffic in front of the door. After walking the entire 2nd floor and settling back in after the roommate was discharged, it was more relaxing. But the day is filled with Respiratory Therapy treatments, Speech Therapy, Occupational Therapy, antibiotic IV drip and a visit from the social worker, case work and a herd of cardiac doctors. No rest for the caregiver or patient!
The stroke was located in the vision center and it is coming to light through therapy just exactly what we need to work on. His memory center of the brain was not affected although his short term memory was so poor it was frightening! He just wouldn't talk about long term things so it was hard to tell he could remember. Each day there is improvement with his short memory...in fact there is a difference from morning to evening thank goodness! Today he has been talking about the dog, Chicago and the fact that my summer is almost over. Whew! If you were to look at him there are no visible signs of a stroke.
He has only been conscious since late Friday night/Saturday morning so much progress has been made. Tomorrow my kids and I are going to look at a rehab facility where he can get 3 hours of therapy each day. I felt first that I wanted him home but now I see that this may be best. I cannot believe that some people just choose a facility without going to visit...unless I think I could stay there, there is no way I would send a family member there!
Thank you for your kind words and prayers.
XXOO!
The stroke was located in the vision center and it is coming to light through therapy just exactly what we need to work on. His memory center of the brain was not affected although his short term memory was so poor it was frightening! He just wouldn't talk about long term things so it was hard to tell he could remember. Each day there is improvement with his short memory...in fact there is a difference from morning to evening thank goodness! Today he has been talking about the dog, Chicago and the fact that my summer is almost over. Whew! If you were to look at him there are no visible signs of a stroke.
He has only been conscious since late Friday night/Saturday morning so much progress has been made. Tomorrow my kids and I are going to look at a rehab facility where he can get 3 hours of therapy each day. I felt first that I wanted him home but now I see that this may be best. I cannot believe that some people just choose a facility without going to visit...unless I think I could stay there, there is no way I would send a family member there!
Thank you for your kind words and prayers.
XXOO!
*LIVESTRONG*LOVESTRONGER*LAUGH HARDER* HUG YOUR CAPTAIN*
Friday, July 4, 2014
Lucky?
I was washing finger paint off 12 sets of hands at camp on Wednesday when my brand new phone started ringing. People know not to call me at work unless it is an emergency...just text and I will get back to you when I can.
I looked at the caller ID and it was from Coach who lives with us...so I answered.
He had called 911 and paramedics were at our house. Seems he had just come home and found The Captain lying on the driveway between the truck he is working on and the porch. He was conscious but in pain. The paramedics spoke to me and asked his birth date, allergy info and which hospital I wanted them to take him to. It didn't seem to urgent. The Captain's chest hurt a bit but his stomach was where the pain was mainly. He had thrown up a little.
Since I had run to work early at 7:10 to meet a friend to walk before camp, I had no car. Coach came to get me from work. I called for someone to come relieve me BUT THE PHONES WERE OFF 15 MINUTES BEFORE LUNCH TIME!! NO ONE ANSWERED!! I left an angry message. What if I had had an emergency with one of the children? A parent came early to pick up her son and I asked her to stay and dismiss the students.
Coach came to get me and drive me home so I could get the car. I drove a few miles to the hospital and parked outside E.R. Once inside I saw The Captain on the bed in so much pain it was like he was possessed. He was rolling from side to side groaning. An ultrasound was displaying his heart and I overheard the discussion of fluids building up around the heart...pericardial effusion. I stood at his side and kissed his cold head...he had no idea I was there. As they rolled him off for a CT Scan he caught my eye so I knew he knew I was there. A cardiac anesthesiologist I saw previously who walked in drinking a Rock Star came back in and told me it was serious. I asked if he had finished the Rock Star because I wanted him to be awake. He smiled and said he was finishing. The Captain was supposed to be brought back to E.R. but a nurse came by to bring me upstairs to the surgery waiting room and told me he was going straight into surgery from the scan. A surgeon came and introduced himself and said it was an aortic aneurysm that had ruptured...it went from the top to bottom and this was what John Ridder had and he died...I told him, "Save my husband," and he said he would.
I waited forever alone....finally The Biologist and the Nuclear Physicist showed up...then a co-worker and my friend the school nurse...then a friend who is a nurse at the hospital who had the day off and her husband....we all waited...and waited...and waited. The liaison came by and told us that it had calmed down in the O.R. now...it was a very tense start. She also said to call any children living away from home and have them come home.
We talked...and the mood lightened...and we waited and talked. FINALLY the surgeon came in with a smile on his face. He went to shake my hand and I said "NO!" and gave a big hug. He said they repaired the upper portion...there was still blood pooled but it would drain...and if he had to go back in for that he would be happy to do so as it would be simple. We had to wait an hour or so to see The Captain. As we waited, the friends left one-by-one and that just left The Biologist and her boyfriend the Nuclear Physicist. We were warned that he would look scary. ACTUALLY he looked soooooo much better than he did in E.R! The ashen color was gone and he wasn't writhing in pain. Later that night when I went back alone I saw his stitches. His chest was sawed open to give access to the heart...then it was wired shut and sutured with twist tie wires....very neatly like a quilter had done it. He was covered with tubes which were attached to every part of his body and had more hanging bags of fluids and breathing machines then I ever imagined possible.
Today I was told that from the time he entered E.R. to the time he was on the operating table it was just 62 minutes! Amazing!...and the scariest fact of all that the surgeon told me today....The Captain had 5 -7 minutes of life left when he was on the table...if it weren't for The Coach finding The Captain, or the quick response of the paramedics, or the quick thinking, Rock Star drinking cardiac anesthesiologist who phoned the other upstairs and told another cardiac anesthesiologist to prep the O.R. because he identified the problem and knew time a factor....and the time of day....because I was told if this happened at night there would NOT have been a surgical team that could have been put together as quickly as they assembled.
A night nurse asked me if The Captain has a nick name..."Russ" was my answer...he said, "Oh, we are calling him Lucky!"
SO there you have it...my life since Wednesday. We were supposed to have left on vacation this morning. Now it is day by day....today the ventilator was removed and when the sedation was lessened we had awakened the monster from Young Frankenstein....grunts and all. He is in a lot of pain and they have had to restrain him. I have had to help hold him down....not pretty! Let's hope tomorrow brings a little less monster!
I looked at the caller ID and it was from Coach who lives with us...so I answered.
He had called 911 and paramedics were at our house. Seems he had just come home and found The Captain lying on the driveway between the truck he is working on and the porch. He was conscious but in pain. The paramedics spoke to me and asked his birth date, allergy info and which hospital I wanted them to take him to. It didn't seem to urgent. The Captain's chest hurt a bit but his stomach was where the pain was mainly. He had thrown up a little.
Since I had run to work early at 7:10 to meet a friend to walk before camp, I had no car. Coach came to get me from work. I called for someone to come relieve me BUT THE PHONES WERE OFF 15 MINUTES BEFORE LUNCH TIME!! NO ONE ANSWERED!! I left an angry message. What if I had had an emergency with one of the children? A parent came early to pick up her son and I asked her to stay and dismiss the students.
Coach came to get me and drive me home so I could get the car. I drove a few miles to the hospital and parked outside E.R. Once inside I saw The Captain on the bed in so much pain it was like he was possessed. He was rolling from side to side groaning. An ultrasound was displaying his heart and I overheard the discussion of fluids building up around the heart...pericardial effusion. I stood at his side and kissed his cold head...he had no idea I was there. As they rolled him off for a CT Scan he caught my eye so I knew he knew I was there. A cardiac anesthesiologist I saw previously who walked in drinking a Rock Star came back in and told me it was serious. I asked if he had finished the Rock Star because I wanted him to be awake. He smiled and said he was finishing. The Captain was supposed to be brought back to E.R. but a nurse came by to bring me upstairs to the surgery waiting room and told me he was going straight into surgery from the scan. A surgeon came and introduced himself and said it was an aortic aneurysm that had ruptured...it went from the top to bottom and this was what John Ridder had and he died...I told him, "Save my husband," and he said he would.
I waited forever alone....finally The Biologist and the Nuclear Physicist showed up...then a co-worker and my friend the school nurse...then a friend who is a nurse at the hospital who had the day off and her husband....we all waited...and waited...and waited. The liaison came by and told us that it had calmed down in the O.R. now...it was a very tense start. She also said to call any children living away from home and have them come home.
We talked...and the mood lightened...and we waited and talked. FINALLY the surgeon came in with a smile on his face. He went to shake my hand and I said "NO!" and gave a big hug. He said they repaired the upper portion...there was still blood pooled but it would drain...and if he had to go back in for that he would be happy to do so as it would be simple. We had to wait an hour or so to see The Captain. As we waited, the friends left one-by-one and that just left The Biologist and her boyfriend the Nuclear Physicist. We were warned that he would look scary. ACTUALLY he looked soooooo much better than he did in E.R! The ashen color was gone and he wasn't writhing in pain. Later that night when I went back alone I saw his stitches. His chest was sawed open to give access to the heart...then it was wired shut and sutured with twist tie wires....very neatly like a quilter had done it. He was covered with tubes which were attached to every part of his body and had more hanging bags of fluids and breathing machines then I ever imagined possible.
Today I was told that from the time he entered E.R. to the time he was on the operating table it was just 62 minutes! Amazing!...and the scariest fact of all that the surgeon told me today....The Captain had 5 -7 minutes of life left when he was on the table...if it weren't for The Coach finding The Captain, or the quick response of the paramedics, or the quick thinking, Rock Star drinking cardiac anesthesiologist who phoned the other upstairs and told another cardiac anesthesiologist to prep the O.R. because he identified the problem and knew time a factor....and the time of day....because I was told if this happened at night there would NOT have been a surgical team that could have been put together as quickly as they assembled.
A night nurse asked me if The Captain has a nick name..."Russ" was my answer...he said, "Oh, we are calling him Lucky!"
SO there you have it...my life since Wednesday. We were supposed to have left on vacation this morning. Now it is day by day....today the ventilator was removed and when the sedation was lessened we had awakened the monster from Young Frankenstein....grunts and all. He is in a lot of pain and they have had to restrain him. I have had to help hold him down....not pretty! Let's hope tomorrow brings a little less monster!
*LIVESTRONG*LOVESTRONGER*LAUGH HARDER*THANKING OUR LUCKY STARS*
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