Every August 27th I am reminded of dx day....as cancer mom's know, the day of diagnosis that changed your life forever. Kids should not get cancer....over the years the day causes less anxiety and I come closer to forgetting the puch in the gut I got when the asshole doctor told me "it's cancer. It's in her bone (pointing to his hip,) in her blood, (and the kicker,) there are spots on her lungs."
Just like that, point blank, in the E.R. Then he said, "we will be admitting her to Lucile Packard. You can call your husband now."
Over the years this hurts less and I bounce well so a little ill feeling and I get on with the day.
I had no idea July 2 would kick my ass the way it did. I re-read text messages. Re-lived the hours The Captain was in surgery. Re-lived the phone calls and what the doctors told me prior to surgery.
Dr. Harmon- who I DID NOT LIKE then, came up to me- stanidng a good 3" shorter than me, looked into my eyes from about 10" away and said, "We know what it is, it's what John Ridder had- AND HE DIED>"
Dr. Castro was cool....walked up, smiled, said what he was going in to do and I looked at him and said, "Save my husband." He said, "Okay," and turned and walked to O.R.
I have come to like Dr. Harmon. I recently told Dr. Castro what Dr. Harmon said and he shook his head and said, "He's not supposed to say that."
So it has been a year. I cannot believe what I lived through, let alone what The Captain lived through. Our lives have changed and there's no going back. I think back to the morning of July 2. We woke up early. talked in bed. We walked up to the curb and I kissed him good bye and I ran to meet my friend to walk a few miles before I taught camp.
1 comment:
Some dates are just hard to forget, like birthdays and anniversaries. I guess we go through life hoping not to collect too many of those bad and sad "anniversaries." Yet the annual reminder shows us how much we have to be thankful for, I suppose.
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